British populace quickly gets comfortable eating horses

March 5, 2013 12:30 PM

Horses – Interchangeable with a cow in a pie context. (Photo: Mike Baird)

A study into eating habits was released yesterday which indicated that most United Kingdom residents aren’t that bothered by eating horses anymore. Some 2 months ago large portions of undeclared horse meat were discovered in popular foods throughout Europe, sparking public backlash particularly in Britain and Ireland. 8 weeks on though, most UK consumers are now pretty fine with eating a horse, especially when it is undetectable amongst other meats.

“What’s so good about horses?” asked South London local Boris Diaw, “how did they make the special list of things it’s not okay to eat? I mean cows have had it pretty rough for a while, we may as well get stuck into horses as well.” This view seemed widespread, most people citing the horse’s physical similarity to cows and the relatively indistinguishable taste. “Horses aren’t that cute anyway, so it’s not a big deal,” claimed Newcastle resident Mary Chiswick, “Penguins? Now that’s another story. I would never eat a penguin or a kitten or a seal or a guinea pig. But horses? Come on. They brought it on themselves by being all big and tasty like that.”

Two guys in the old days just mucking around on some horses. (Photo: Richard Taylor)

“At the end of the day, people have to draw the line somewhere,” explained anthropologist Steven Sykes, “horses were once a taboo food, just like snow leopards and red pandas still are, but things change.” However, not all British citizens are welcoming this social shift. “Horses are to be raced and ridden to war,” insisted┬áprotester┬áMartin Dunham, “cows and chickens and turkeys and pigs are for cutting up and eating, but with horses you’re allowed to muck around on their backs and that’s it. You don’t eat them, just whip them.”

Ultimately, though, the region-wide consensus seems to have changed for the good. “It’s about time,” said one longstanding┬áproponent, 7-year-old Hamish O’Brien, “thank goodness this is okay now, I’ve been eating glue for years.”

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