Professional poker player and social media personality Dan Bilzerian revealed to the world this morning that he was born with a delicate daisy where his penis should be. Known for his wild antics and larger than life persona, Bilzerian broke down in front of the media just after 9:00am, saying he’d finally had enough grandstanding. “I want to be loved and accepted for who I truly am,” the 35 year old millionaire admitted through tears, “I’m a man with a gorgeous flower instead of a dick, and I’m okay with that. I hope you can be too.”
In just the few hours since the announcement, media commentators are already applauding Bilzerian’s brave words, many noting that his honesty will make things easier for kids today growing up with weird genitals. However there has also been a great deal of backlash on Bilzerian’s Facebook page, previously popular for its tone of unapologetic machismo. “Fuck you”, “ur cock is a disgrace” and “what is ur ass, a top hat or sum shit?” were just a few of the thousands of disparaging comments left by the public. Bilzerian has stayed strident in the face of the criticism, and just 10 minutes ago published a response to the “haters” on his Instagram and Facebook accounts. The full statement is copied below.
From Instagram (@danbilzerian) and Facebook (danbilzerianofficial) 14:55 EST 18 September 2015:
To all you pathetic losers who can’t handle the truth,
Yeah, SO WHAT!?!?? I’ve got a flower for a dick. Whatever! Move on you lame chump fucks. bitches love it. Do you even know how many bitches I’ve had tickle the petals on my schlong? Loads. No, it doesn’t really feel like anything because plants don’t have nerve endings. No, there is no ‘climax’ sensation that you apparently get if you have a regular penis. But do they have their boobs out when they’re doing it? You’re goddamn fucking right they sometimes do, you idiots.
This morning after my press conference I got on a private jet and flew cross-country just cos I felt like it. Then I went to the desert and shot dildos out of a cannon at a hot air balloon that I’d hired. It was fucking awesome and I’m not sure if the guy operating the hot air balloon is okay. How does it feel to know you’ll never experience ANYTHING LIKE THAT, you stupid worms antagonizing me online. I make MILLIONS of dollars a year and you MORONS think you’re better than me because I have to water my asshole every morning or my cock will die. Give me a BREAK!
I feel sorry for you sad 12 year olds, hunched over your shitty computers in your parents basements, trolling me cos you have nothing better to do. You think you’re cool now but you won’t be laughing when I come to your home at night. That’s right. Ima rub my magnificent prick aaaaaalll up and down the mulch your Mom laid out a few weeks ago. In no less than 30 days you’ll have a BEAUTIFUL DAISY BUSH in your backyard and then you’ll KNOW not to mess with me cos they’re often considered a weed.
And to those IDIOTS who’ve been asking how I urinate, GET A LIFE. Obviously condensation collects on my petals and slowly evaporates over the course of the day GET OVER IT.
I’m PROUD of who I am! you lame shits can love it or leave it…… FUCK the haters, FUCK aphids, and FUCK YOU.
Forever yours rocking out hard and getting blow jobs on the middle bit of my flower every daaaay,
© Dan Bilzerian.