Aaron Crawford of Melbourne finally came out to friends and family as a homophobe yesterday by secretly updating his friend’s Facebook page. When his good friend Daniel left his computer unattended while logged in to the popular social network, Crawford saw a rare opportunity to publicise his homophobia. “My name’s Daniel and I like cock,” the 23 year old typed, keen to broadcast how uncomfortable the concept of homosexuality made him. “I just want everyone to know that I’m gay and always have been,” Crawford added, in an unmistakeable cry for help.
Daniel, upon returning to his computer, was shocked to find his friend midway through a fit of sniggers and giggles. “I had no idea Aaron struggled so hard with the very idea of someone being gay,” Daniel admitted, concerned, “it’s upsetting, but I’m really glad he’s finally had the courage to tell everyone, and we can hopefully move forward from here.” Aaron, however, was confused at the solemn response to his side-splitting Facebook-based misdirection. “Why is everyone worried about me?” he asked, “that was absolutely priceless. I told everyone he was gay, but really he isn’t. Ha!” Crawford was especially confused given the popularity of this kind of Facebook tomfoolery. “I’ve seen other people do a similar trick before,” he explained, “that’s how I knew it would be such an instant classic, because every time I see someone do this exact thing it’s always amazing. Pretending to be gay on behalf of a straight person is the Borat voice of social media comedy; never not hilarious.”